Dear Parents,
I hope you have had a restful Spring Break and enjoyed the spirit of spring with your family. As we step into a new term filled with energy and growth, I’d like to take a moment to reflect on something that connects us all: parenting.
At XLIS, we believe in changing life through education when school and home work closely together. As our children grow into independent thinkers and responsible young people, the way we parent plays a big role in shaping who they become.
Parenting Styles – Which One Are We Practicing?
Parenting doesn’t come with a manual, but understanding the different styles can help us reflect and adjust. Researchers generally describe four main parenting styles:
- Authoritative
Enforce rules, provide warmth and support
Often leads to confident, capable, and happy children. Research links it to higher success and life satisfaction.
- Authoritarian
Domineering, dictatorial, enforces punishments, unresponsive
This style can raise obedient children but may also cause anxiety, lower independence, and reduce internal motivation. Kids may hide mistakes to avoid punishment.
- Permissive
Lenient, few demands, “friend”
Children may score lower in happiness and self-regulation, show poor school performance, and be more likely to engage in risky behaviors.
- Uninvolved
May be neglectful, provide little guidance and support
Tends to lead to poor outcomes across all areas—children may struggle with self-control, independence, and behavior.
The authoritative style—warm yet firm—is widely seen as the most effective. It helps children become confident, responsible, and resilient.
Parenting Structures- Every Family is Unique
Beyond style, we also recognize that families come in many forms. At XLIS, we welcome and support all parenting structures:
- Single Parenting
One parent assumes the primary caregiving role
Single parents often demonstrate great resilience and dedication. With love, consistency, and community support, children raised in single-parent households can grow up just as confident, secure, and successful as their peers. It’s also great to create chances for them to connect with other kids—whether through after-school activities or playdates—to help build friendships and social skills. Stability, open communication, and a strong parent-child bond are key.
- Co-Parenting
Two parents, often separated or divorced, share child-rearing responsibilities
Successful co-parenting is built on respect, communication, and flexibility. When both parents stay actively involved and try to stay consistent in their approach, children feel secure and supported. Regular communication, setting shared goals, and respecting each other’s parenting styles are key. It’s also important to maintain a positive relationship with new family members and, most importantly, never make the child feel guilty for loving both parents. Healthy co-parenting is all about teamwork and understanding.
In some families, other relatives like grandparents or Ayi may also be a big part of the child’s life. It’s important that everyone is on the same page when it comes to parenting, as mixed messages can leave a child feeling confused. When the family stays consistent and united, it helps the child feel safe and understood.
A Few Gentle Reminders
While every family is different, I’ve noticed some common situations that are worth discussing. As a school community, I kindly invite you to consider the following:
- After-school training centers and too many extra classes: These may seem helpful, but when overused, they can lead to stress, reduce focus during regular school hours, and take away precious time for rest, play, or family connection.
- Agencies pushing for early overseas study: Sending children overseas too soon—especially if it means living apart from parents—can lead to anxiety, a sense of insecurity, or confusion about values. Every child has their own pace. Growing up is not a race, and emotional maturity matters just as much as academic achievement.
- Digital devices at an early age: Screens are a big part of our lives, but it’s a good idea to set some rules when children start using devices. Think about things like limiting screen time and keeping an eye on social media accounts, based on their age. Without guidance, they can negatively affect sleep, attention, and behavior. Let’s help children use technology wisely. Please see more details in my previous email that was sent out on February 18th.
- Giving children too much money or red envelopes without context: Gifts and rewards are meaningful when earned or given with purpose. Let’s teach children the value of money and gratitude.
- Making every decision for your child: It’s natural to want to protect them, but giving them the chance to make choices—and take responsibility for those choices—is key to their independence.
The Five Principles of Mindful Parenting
To build stronger, more compassionate connections with our children, many families find these principles helpful:
- Listen with Full Attention
When your child talks, try to really listen—without phones, without distractions. It shows them their voice matters.
- Accept Yourself and Your Child Without Judgment
No one is perfect. Embrace who your child is, and be kind to yourself as a parent too. Trust that when you both do your best, you deserve grace and patience.
- Be Sensitive to Emotions
Notice your child’s feelings and your own. Emotions play a big role in growth and learning. Even if the emotions don’t seem “right,” they are real. The goal isn’t to ignore them, but to find a positive way forward.
- Self-Regulate
Children learn how to manage emotions by watching us. Staying calm helps them do the same.
- Show Compassion
Parenting isn’t a straight path, and we all need a little grace. Let your kids know that no matter what, they are loved and accepted—even when they mess up.
At XLIS, our mission is to support your child not just as a student, but as a whole person. With your partnership and care at home, we can continue to build a nurturing, respectful, and empowering environment for every learner.
Thank you for walking this journey with us.
Warm regards,
Lily Liu
Head of XLIS
Email: lily.liu@xalis.com
WeChat: lily6_sunshine
April 22nd, 2025
